All is Fair in Truth, Love, and Nasty Breakups (Part 1): Temptations Abound

"You guys should fuck" she said to her crazy, drunk, horny, bi-curious friend. "It's ok with me, I don't care. Besides, he's a good lay." That was the dagger the girl I was dating and visiting delivered to end that drunken night out. As if cussing me out for not buying her water since I had no cash, flirting with 2 guys on the street in front of me, offering to go for a ride in their car with them, ignoring her friends who were apologizing to me for her, blocking me from getting into the cab home with her where my stuff was, and telling me to leave her alone because she had a boyfriend wasn’t enough. As she passed out, her friend sat there in a thong and my borrowed t-shirt giving me that unmistakable look while I ate an egg and cheese bagel and pondered how I always get myself into these situations.

It feels good to be wanted, especially when you’re being rejected. But as crazy as that situation was which was as big and round as her friend’s ass was, I couldn’t go through with it. Even though my involvement seemed to be ending that night, she was who I wanted to make it work with. As I drove the friend home the next morning, she told me to let her know how things worked out between us because if it didn’t work out then she was very interested. I already knew what I wanted, but it takes two to make a thing go right.

People love to say that a man is only as faithful as his options. I disagree. After that, I had 1 revisit and no fewer than 2 additional new opportunities to get down on the side with but passed on all 3. I won’t deny my guilt of being a flirt, but when the person you are with can’t make you feel appreciated or cared for, it’s sometimes nice to feel wanted and appreciated. But flirting isn’t fucking, and a man is as faithful as his choices and his actions. I’m not guilty, but then I didn’t say I was innocent either.

She wanted to be treated as my girlfriend, and I wanted her to be, but she couldn’t commit to the title, time, and effort required for that role. I obliged for the most part but never went the extra mile because she never met me halfway. Before we even began I told her if it got serious between us, then her situation would become a major issue. She had reassured me that her relationship was waning with less and less time spent and that things would inevitably come to an end. But it didn’t. True to form, her situation was the primary factor in all of our fights.

As time wore on and our fights grew worse, the depth of her pattern of lying and cheating was revealed. As an almost barometer, I kept seeing her friend from that particular night socially, and privately wondered if I made the right choice. Sometimes the seemingly nice ones on the outside are the unstable and crazy ones on the inside while the crazy ones on the outside are more stable and responsible on the inside. You never can tell, and as her birthday approached, I knew so was my limit and breaking point. But I tried to push through selflessly because her party plans hinged on my ability to chauffeur her to her various getaway destinations as her pseudo-boyfriend.

Fate truly has a sense of irony. As the friend drove me and this chick’s passed out post-birthday self to my apartment, I couldn’t help but remember the last time this situation occurred. The flirt in me openly wondered if things might be different if I had chosen different last time, but my dick was simply too small for her big ole ass. I told the friend she deserved to be happy and I hoped she meets a man who truly appreciates her and gives her what she wants because I felt my time with her friend would soon be coming to an end as I had put up with way too much and was growing tired of the boyfriend situation and needed to be treated better than second fiddle. But I was curious what it would have been like if I could act on lust and cheat without regard for another’s feelings, but it simply couldn’t happen as I could never do that to her.

That’s the thing about temptation; it is always going to present itself at your weakest moments. But your actions in those weakest moments come to define your relationships. I’ve experienced those moments and have acted wisely, poorly, had things lost in translation and been misunderstood, done the right thing and it still didn’t work out the way I wanted, and even done the craziest thing I could come up with. I feel like the right person will be able to understand and help make it work but with everyone else it will fail. Then again, it helps to be able to resist temptation and ignore distracting, tempting opportunities and that starts with knowing what you want.

To Be Continued...