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As the friend drove us back to my apartment, upon exiting the highway, the birthday girl woke up to us talking softly and laughing and began projecting. It was incredulous that we sat right in front of her with something obviously going on between us and for how long had we been going behind her back. I was such a hypocrite for wanting a real relationship when I was unfaithful and involving myself with other women, as evident from the time she checked my phone and all my female friends who wanted to come visit me. Suspicious people tend to find what they are looking for regardless of whether it actually exists. I didn’t even bother to defend myself because I had ample opportunities to cheat and the only cheating I did was with her for 10 months unbeknownst to her boyfriend of 2-3 years. I mean I could have stepped out with her friend behind her back but didn’t, and that had already been decided. I tell the truth for the very reason that it is told once whereas lies have to be repeated.
Everyone has their limit, and what she said next reached mine, infinity, and beyond. I wasn't doing enough to convince her that a relationship with me would be better than her current situation which she admitted she preferred because it required no real effort. Besides, her boyfriend called to wish her a happy birthday minutes before me when the clocked struck midnight. Lastly, she said she still talks to her long distance boyfriend every day and calls him before she comes over my place to visit, which at that point was 3-5 days a week almost every week. I felt so disrespected in my own home, my own place of sanctity that I needed to purge everything in that instant to try and reclaim myself, for me. No matter how strongly I felt for her, no one deserves to be treated like that. We all have a point of no return and that moment was mine. So I did the only reasonable and rational thing that I could think of, which is now the first and only time I’ve ever done such a thing. At 5 o’clock in the morning on the day after her birthday, I threw her stuff out into the hallway and told her to get out of my apartment and out of my life.
It gets better. A few weeks later, I saw she changed her online profile picture back to one of her and her boyfriend. The dating world has a twisted ethical code and the cheating world’s is even worse. She made me promise not to tell her man and in return I told her she had to promise to always tell the truth. But it seemed that she was actually going to go back to her boyfriend after 10 months of lying to him and sleeping in my bed every week, and pretend like nothing happened. I felt angry I allowed myself to become involved with her and helped facilitate her lying and cheating. Then I put myself in his shoes and how much it must suck to be head over heels in love and oblivious to the truth. Hints don't work when you are in love for reality comes in harsh buckets of ice cold water.
Regardless, I would want to know, who wouldn’t? I had a choice to get involved with an emotionally unavailable woman, but that woman’s man didn't have a choice. I was wrong to get involved and in his position, I would want to be given that choice, to believe or not believe that my partner was cheating so that I could decide whether or not I wanted to be with her.
So one thirsty Tuesday after drinks, when one of my best friends turned and asked me what one thing he could do that I couldn't to alleviate my situation, I knew exactly what it was. I typed out the exact sentence I would send to her boyfriend, pointed out his Facebook page, and told my friend that copying that sentence and into a message would make me feel that I was atoning for my actions and accepting my blame in the matter. I try to live a life of truth and not involve myself in any lying so I knew in my heart that as wrong as sending this message was, it was the right thing to do to set things straight. I gave the boyfriend the choice anyone would want in that same situation, and whatever he decided is between him and her, but at least he had that choice.
I can admit that I was wrong to throw her out the way that I did. My emotions got the better of me, but then again leading up to that night and even during that night I gave her ample opportunities to prove she wanted to be with me, but she did nothing. I do not feel I was viciously malicious because when you back someone into a corner they either turn and run or stand and fight. I used to be a lover who didn’t fight, but dating failure after failure has turned me into a fighter who doesn’t love freely. But then there’s little need for me to apologize when there’s nothing left to salvage. If there were something still there then she would be the one who understands why I did what I did and it wouldn’t be just another failure. As for my revelations, you can call it vengeance, violation of the code, breaking a promise, or call it justice, but I stand resolute that it was the right thing to do. Still my heart has grown weary of dealing with these females who take it all and never give.
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