TheDailyEnthusiast - The Past Revisited

Sometimes in the grand scheme of putting yourself out there to meet new people, evaluate prospective wives, mistresses, girlfriends, booty calls, and find the companionship we desire, it all becomes overwhelming and you need to take a break to refresh and recharge.

I've taken breaks twice in the past, albeit both were planned for longer than they ended up being.  Back in 2007, I took a 5 month break to finish getting over my rock bottom breakup a year prior.  I came out of the break delving head first into the world of international dating where, if I boast for a quick second, I've set foot on 6 continents, had sex on 5, received road head on 4, said "I love you" in 3 languages besides English and meant it, and had 2 serious trans-continental relationships for about 1 year each.  Then in 2009, I took a 3 month break to re-ground myself after coming within an 11 year age difference of getting married, moving to Brasil, and starting a family of Portuguese soccer players and psychologists.  Instead, I relocated to New York City.

Fast forward to the present and after a particularly draining experience I've decided to take another break which I'm calling a "self-imposed moratorium".  These brief spells from dating and sex are as much about resolving the past as they are prepping for a more fulfilling future.  It's not hard to get laid: meet new people, keep smiling, tell stories until they laugh, listen then respond, find common ground, keep buying food/drinks, break the touch barrier in a non-sleazy way, then voila, you seal the deal.  Rewind, repeat until success.  But after a while, it gets old.  I've always been a believer in seeking deeper connections beyond physical attraction and a shared mutual orgasm.

Of course when I decide to take a break it's like word gets out so past relationships, flings, and hookups always seem to come back around.  I don't see this as a bad thing.  I believe it validates the connection you once shared, however long or brief, and proves it was "real".  After all, if you love something, let it go and if it comes back...  Additionally, as was the case with that ex of 3 years who broke my heart and called me out of the blue 19 months later to meet on Christmas Eve to let me know she hoped we could get back together in 6 months when she planned to dump her current boyfriend and move back to Boston, it shows you how much you've grown and developed as a person.  How you can make someone your world and don't think you could live without them and then their mere presence annoys you and you question what you ever found attractive about them in the first place.  Otherwise, if you keep revisiting your past over and over again then where is your love life really headed?

*Originally posted on dailyenthusiast.net on December 16, 2013.

TheDailyEnthusiast - The Truth About Love

I've got a new venture writing short pieces for The Daily Enthusiast, an online lifestyle magazine, about the usual topic of love, sex, dating and relationships. Here's my first piece that introduces me to a new audience:

Once upon a time I was celebrating a friend’s birthday at a bar along with an older Jamaican woman I had recently ended things with, a Colombian woman who had picked me up at a house party and I was currently dating, and a Dominican-American woman I was meeting for the first time and ended up dating 3 months later, when I met an author, Sujeiry, who wrote for Latina.com and maintained a website concerning love, sex, dating, and relationships.  She was intrigued that I was juggling three women in that social setting without any dramatic fireworks and invited me to blog about my experiences from the male perspective on her website.  Thus, my blog RuMANating Intercourse was born.  Why do I write about love, sex, dating, and relationships?

Love.  There is no feeling like looking into the eyes of someone you love and would do anything for and feeling loved by them in return.  Perhaps this may explain why some people obsess about their pets to an excess, but in the least it explains why everyone considers their children to be the source of their greatest joys.  Some of us are fortunate to experience love with a romantic partner and spend our days in utter bliss, awakening our carnality and indulging in plenty of …

Sex.  This is not the I smashed, let me get mine, I’m in a power struggle with the opposite gender because I have unresolved parental issues.  I mean tantric, spiritual, sensual, multiple orgasms, embracing our humanity by exploring our sexuality, safe comfortable environment where we can please each other and the safe word is “IDontWantYouToStopButINeedABreak”.  The sex is so good, and we’re both famished from having sex all day long and need to eat something else besides each other.  So we share a meal, go to the movies hoping for an empty theater, steal away on a vacation together and attempt to join the mile high club and before long all your friends will think you’re …

Dating.  Yes, that awkward, overly complicated, too many damn rules, don't know what's going on process that is complete and utter rubbish.  The idea is to get to know the other person but more often than not it’s a drawn out struggle and negotiation because a relationship cannot be agreed upon and neither side has decided to walk away just yet.  In reality if it’s not moving forward, it's stagnant and you're wasting your time on something isn't meant to be.  Because when it is meant to be, it’s downright simple and easy to get into a …

Relationship.  These are what matter most in life.  You can have all the finest things, travel to all the exotic places, and indulge in the best the world has to offer but it's the people you maintain relationships with that always bring you the most enjoyment and satisfaction.  So then why are relationships so damn hard sometimes and so much work?

Let’s explore…

*Originally posted on dailyenthusiast.net on September 3, 2013.

Why I Hate Dating

From RuMANating Intercourse

Are you single? It’s the most loaded question anyone can ask. If you say yes, they immediately try to determine if you are a viable partner for themselves, their friends, their friends’ friends, their coworkers, the family pet, even their childhood acquaintances they don’t like anymore but keep in touch with on social media. It’s like being single is a disease and a relationship is the cure. The ugly treatment few enjoy but we all seem to tolerate is dating.

No one likes dating. Far too often it’s cold, contrived, and utterly forced. It’s like when your mom called you with her cancer diagnosis in February 2007 and she spent the entire time trying to explain to you what the doctor told her about the stages of breast cancer, what the results of her tests indicated about the growth of the cancer, and what her treatment options would be. Meet, exchange info, email or text, talk on the phone or not, wait 3 days or don’t, careful choice of first date venue, to pay or go Dutch, to kiss or not, what if sex is on the table, who else are they dating, how many dates before you’re dating exclusively, do they want a relationship, am I coming on too strong, they don’t seem to like me enough. It’s all pomp and circumstance and doesn’t get to the heart of the matter: what we want in a partner and if this person meets the criteria and we meet theirs. Do we really need to date to figure that out? Couldn’t we just have a few honest, candid conversations and form a trial friendship? After all, genuine friendship IS the basis of all healthy relationships.

Still you find the occasional person who says they actually do enjoy dating. What they’re really saying is they enjoy casually meeting new people and are attractive enough that others approach them regularly or respond when they initiate contact. They like the back and forth, the thrill of the pursuit, to catch and release, they like playing the dating games because they are good at it. More likely than not, they’re not paying for all these dates or have enough money that they can afford it.

We date and court to determine if the other person is who they say they are and prove to the other person that we are who we say we are while ascertaining if the two of you will make a good partnership. Do you like me? Are we compatible? Can you see yourself with me for the rest of our lives? I don’t know. How did we meet?

Online: I saw a few handpicked photos online showing what you consider to be your charismatic qualities along with some witty words meant to portray yourself as interesting and worth getting to know. Truthfully, I know absolutely nothing about you but I’m tired of being alone and surmised online dating could be safe enough because it worked for . Plus, there’s no harm in dating virtually so long as my current partner doesn’t know I still have my account active.

Randomly in public: I bumped into you at so and so while I was doing such and such and we ended up talking about this and that and you seemed normal enough so we exchanged contact info. In reality, I know nothing about you but you seemed nice just like all neighbors of multiple murderers say they seemed normal enough. At least I wasn’t online sorting through thousands of profile pictures while alone and borderline desperate.

Bar: I had enough alcohol to summon enough liquid courage to approach you and try talking to you because I found you attractive enough in my impaired state and you responded in kind in your possibly equally impaired state and we eventually find something we have in common, we don’t want to be alone tonight. We know absolutely nothing about each other but like having fun and numbing our minds and feelings so at least we have that in common and can figure out the rest as we go. It’s all copacetic, just like my check liver light.

Club: I like to listen to music and dance, which we both have in common, and you were probably there with your friends while I was there with my friends so we should be friends. Somehow our groups ended up interacting, we danced together, and we decided to keep the dance going because we both secretly equate dancing with sex and are horny. We want to keep the good times rolling and fully express more “dancing” with each other so long as the other is not a stalker or serial killer or has a sexually transmitted infection.

Through a friend: My friend invited me to their friend’s social gathering and your friend got invited by their friend’s friend and they asked to bring you. Because your friend’s friend’s friend knows my friend’s friend you’re probably not a bad person or my friend’s friend’s friend would tell my friend’s friend who would tell my friend who would tell me because they’re a good friend. We seemed to hit it off and probably have similar values and both value friendship. Through 6 degrees of separation we’re practically friends anyways. Small world, eh?

Through an activity: We share this activity in common and see each other regularly. We’re friendly and talk and enjoy each other’s company more and more. We have gotten to know each other better and have decided to hang out, just the two of us, in a different venue. It’s our first date but it doesn’t feel like a date because we’re already sort of friends. It just feels so organic, so natural. Do you know what I mean?

I rest my case.